If you’ve ever been touched on the subway by the perv so horny he can’t keep it in pants for his 45-minute commute, you know how upsetting this can be. During rush hour I pondered some possible ways to fix this problem while, well, eating smart.
Offend the offender with Garlic. Keep a clove in your pocket and when he strikes, take a bite, chew the garlic enough to get the pungent smell, and then yell in his face. Garlic’s potent antioxidant properties outweighs the bad taste. When crushed or cut, they release a sulphur-bearing compound called allicin – the chemical that gives garlic its pungent taste and smell. The allicin, scientists have discovered, is the magic ingredient thought to be responsible for garlic’s therapeutic qualities. In addition to being used for warding off evil spirits in the old days, garlic is also well known for its natural antibiotic and is effective against many bacteria, fungi and viruses.
Create personal space by eating tons of fiber. Fiber is material made by plants that is not digested by the human gastrointestinal tract. Increased gas (flatulence), ahem, stinky farts, is a common side effect of high-fiber diets. The gas occurs because bacteria within the colon is capable of digesting fiber to a small extent. The bacteria produces gas as a by-product of their digestion of fiber. The end result is frequent, smelly farts.
What ever you do, just bring attention to the perv. Make him embarrassed, scream and yell, just make him regret it enough to keep his d*ck in his pants on his next commute.