Ugh, I feel like crap. I was on a weight loss kick (trying to lose the last 5 pounds that taunt me whenever I look at my jelly belly), and was doing pretty well. Until my f*cking boyfriend ran over my ankle with an ATV, and took a part of my meniscus with it.
First of all, the accident forced me to reflect on two things: Number one, no health insurance. Let me help you understand by saying this: when I lived alone, I would come home and HOPE to have electricity, because I would forget to pay the bill. The friendly reminder I posted on the fridge to “pay bills” would stare at me every time I opened the fridge to get a glass of wine. So, like everything else, I had forgotten to pay the insurance bill and they decided to cut me off.
However, today I called every insurance company on earth and all they did was anger me with ridiculous quotes of money they would like me to give them “incase” I am sick. I told them to go suck it hard.
I’ve decided to leave this in the hands of Obama. He said he’d help, and I believe him.
Second reflection: What the hell was I doing riding an ATV in the middle of hick country?? Perhaps I had forgotten I wasn’t into white people sports. In case you think I’m racist for saying that, let me be quick to defend myself: my boyfriend is white. Maybe he’s racist and that’s why he ran me over.
After much pondering and soul searching, I’ve managed to convince myself why this happened “well, maybe the universe wanted me to slow down, to use this injury as a time to sit, relax and reflect. Maybe drink some tea.” Except, I HATE tea and HATE relaxing. So I am going to head out and shoot squirrels until I am healed and can start running again.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Your boyfriend sounds like a great guy, you shouldn’t be so hard on him!!
the reason you are suffering is cause you cause suffering, guns are unchristian and unholy, actually evil… shoot squirrels is killing God, in yourself too. your discomfort is a pinch of the blood suffering of the Iraqis for the gas used in your ATV, you want others to come bail you out of your own irresponsibility and that of your boyfriend, have him pay for your medical expenses… if you ignore your responsibility of paying the bills and not making the sacrifices we all make that are needed to pay the bills and escaping into alcohol will just make you a burden on everybody… enjoy confronting your shadow and step into the light
I know its not really funny – but I am hysterically laughing. You are too damn funny!!!!
This is a funny, witty piece. Good satirical voice. One of the reasons we had fun together was our similar sense of humor. In fact I thought of you yesterday when I heard some advertiser warn about “flu-like symptoms”.
Maureen Dowd, Times editorial writer sometimes sounds like this, but she’s a different generation, and less personal, more sharply political.
How long have you been doing this?
Visit mediabistro.com if you’re interested in learning how to sell your writing, develop a career, practice other writing syles, etc. I took one class which I thought was investigative feature writing but turned out to be a class on writing for women’s magazines. That first meeting was odd.
Second reflection: What the hell was I doing riding an ATV in the middle of hick country??
let that be a lesson for you, there are some things little girls from Jamaica shouldn’t be doing with no insurance!
you should consider investing in a helmet with a chin strap when you do dangerous things like going to costco and getting a mani pedi.
Girl, with regards to ATV’s – you and I should talk. I have a beautiful (huge) scar on my elbow from a tango I did with one last summer while I was at my sister’s weekend house in the sticks.
Im sorry to hear about the accident and hope you heal up soon!
As a sidenote: That “Azarai” post? LOLZ all around.
your boyfriend sounds hot