I’ve talked a lot lately about why I love the gym. One reason I haven’t mentioned is purely for the entertainment factor. I love people watching! Most people go to the gym to work out in peace, to lose the muffin top, or to burn enough calories to make up for the over-indulgent weekend. They show up, they quietly do their thing, and they leave feeling good about what they’ve accomplished. Occasionally, however, you’ll see someone who catches your attention in a big way. For some, these annoying personalities ruin the gym experience. And yes–maybe they do need to learn proper gym etiquette. However, I love seeing those that “stand out” in the gym crowd:
1. The cell phone addict. I occasionally walk into the gym talking on my phone, but the conversation usually lasts no more than a seconds minutes once inside. Others, however, will show up and gab for 45 minutes straight while walking on the treadmill. If you really want to get in a good workout, you probably shouldn’t be able to carry on a long conversation! But thanks for sharing the most boring, dumb details of your life with the rest of us gym-goers.
2. The Sweat-er. OK…I guess I sort of fit into this category, because I. sweat. a. lot. I try to be conscious, however, of the sweat I leave behind. There’s nothing worse than going to sit on a machine that displays a perfect wet outline of your sweaty ass. Ewwwww.
3. The Beauty Queen. I have clients who never showed up without lipstick, earrings, and an overwhelming aroma of hairspray and perfume. Yes, it’s true. I feel badly for making them work hard because I don’t want to mess up their hair! These days, I not only see girls showing up with long, flowy hair (that they never put in a pony tail), with their full makeup on (that they never work quite hard enough to sweat off), but also with their cleavage spilling out of their tops, and their bum cheeks hanging out the back. Really, girls? Are you trying to make those of us who roll out of bed and head to the gym with bed hair and no makeup look bad? Well it’s working. But we’re the ones laughing!
4. The Farter. Do I need to explain? These ones are always lurking somewhere in my early morning spin class. Small, crowded, sweaty damp room. I’m not laughing…I’m choking in between vomiting in my mouth.
5. The Grunter. We see your muscles, guys. Do we really need to hear them, too? Actually, this one makes me laugh more than any other. Keep on grunting. You’re helping strengthen my core with laughter.
6. The Social Butterfly. For some, the gym really is just a social outlet. Avoid eye contact at all cost unless you want to spend 20 minutes gabbing instead of working out! They have nice jaw muscles, though.
7. The Front Row Performer. In group fit classes, these girls are the ones who stand closest to the instructor, but practically make up their own routine. The instructor marches, and they jump. The instructor does 10 squats, and they do 20. Over-achieving-attention-seeking-non-conformists. I love these girls. I’m just not brave enough to join them. I’m a conformer, yes I am.
8. The impatient guy. Stop asking me if I’m done with the machine. I’ll get off when I’m done! Unless you’re secretly hitting on me…I’m involved.
9. The Nudist. OK, I don’t love this one. I usually avoid the locker room in case the beauty queen decides to take a shower and forgets to put her clothes back on. What’s up with the big 70’s bush?? I don’t want to see it, thanks!