Slap Chop promises that “you’re gonna be in a great mood all day because you’re gonna be slapping your troubles away.”

It’s true. It made me happy. I loved it!

The Slap Chop’s rotating blades easily dispatch potatoes, nuts, cookies and tuna. Unlike other similar tools, the Slap Chop opens butterfly-style for easy cleaning.

You can mince vegetables, onions and garlic with the skin still attached. I agree with Slap Chop’s philosophy: “We’re gonna make America skinny again, one slap at a time.”

As if.

As if you were sitting around asking just that question.

Boosting the metabolism is the holy grail of weight watchers everywhere, but how fast your body burns calories depends on several factors. Some people inherit a speedy metabolism. Not me, and my existent mini-muffin top is proof. Men tend to burn more calories than women, even while resting. And for most people, metabolism slows steadily after age 40. Although you can’t control your age, gender, or genetics, there are other ways to get a boost. Let me help you rev it up.

1. Build some muscle. Our bodies constantly burn calories, even when we’re doing nothing. This resting metabolic rate is much higher in people with more muscle. Every pound of muscle uses about 6 calories a day just to sustain itself, while each pound of fat burns only 2 calories daily. That small difference can add up over time. In addition, after a bout of resistance training, muscles are activated all over your body, increasing your average daily metabolic rate.

2. Kick your workout up a notch. Aerobic exercise may not build big muscles, but it can rev up your metabolism in the hours after a workout. The key is to push yourself. High-intensity exercise delivers a bigger, longer increase in resting metabolic rate than low- or moderate workouts. To get the benefits, try a more intense class at the gym or include short bursts of jogging during your regular walk.

3. Drink more water. The body needs water to process calories. If you are even mildly dehydrated, your metabolism may slow down. In one study, adults who drank eight or more glasses of water a day burned more calories than those who drank four. To stay hydrated, drink a glass of water or other unsweetened beverage before every meal and snack. In addition, try munching on fresh fruits and vegetables, which are full of fluid, rather than pretzels or chips.

4. Eat more often. Eating more really can help you lose weight — eating more often, that is. When you eat large meals with many hours in between, you train your metabolism to slow down. Having a small meal or snack every 3 to 4 hours keeps your metabolism cranking, so you burn more calories over the course of a day. Several studies have also shown that people who snack regularly eat less at meal time.

5. Eat more protein. The body burns up to twice as many calories digesting protein as it uses for fat or carbohydrates. Although you want to eat a balanced diet, replacing some carbs with lean, protein-rich foods can jump-start the metabolism at mealtime. Healthy sources of protein include lean beef and pork, fish, white meat chicken, tofu, nuts, beans, eggs, and low-fat dairy products.

Let’s get right to it: Do not eat the Baconator.

Now, I know that you’re probably thinking exactly what I did: what could be so wrong with two fatty hamburger patties, two cheese slices, cheese sauce, mayonnaise, and 6 (count ‘em 6) slices of bacon?

The answer is nothing, nothing at all, providing you spread that out over 4 meals and 3 days, but I don’t think that’s what Wendy’s had in mind. Oooh, why just stop there when you can have the combo meal? Even if you skip the biggie fries and get a diet coke and this is the stats on your lunch:

1250 calories
71g total fat
175mg cholesterol
88g carbs

It’s making me feel fat just to sit and write about this, on the upside I have plenty of motivation to go workout tonight.

The bottom line is that it actually looks tempting, but until you are prepared to run about 20 miles to break even from the caloric intake, just get the junior cheeseburger and get on your way.

You might be wondering why I am working on this long weekend. Let me tell you, bloggers work all the time, weekends and holidays.

What you didn’t stop to think about is that bloggers can work from anywhere: a cafe, the beach, from home in their dirty, three day old PJ’s.

You never know.

***The Ingredients***

Oreo Pie

1 Oreo pie crust
Oreo cookies
80z Fat-free cream cheese, softened
6 packets Splenda.
1 tsp Vanilla
2 cups whipped cream

Directions

In a small bowl, smash up 12 of the Oreo cookies… Set aside.

In a medium bowl using a hand mixer, combine the cream cheese and splenda
Beat until light and fluffy. (Do not overbeat, it will get too watery)

Add in the whipped cream and the smashed up Oreo cookies. Use a rubber spatula and combine gently until well blended and the cookies are distributed throughout.

Spoon into the Oreo pie crust and refrigerate about 2 hours or until firm.

Optional garnish…Cut 4 Oreo cookies in half and place the halves, cut side down, around a dollop of whipped cream placed in the center and dusted with Oreo cookie crumbs

Note: the 2 cups of whipped cream is not the same as whipping cream. For this recipe the cream should be whipped. Use either freshly whipped cream or Reddi-Whip or Cool Whip or similar… But the cream is to be whipped, not liquid.

Jillian Michaels wants you to write down your weight loss goals. She needs to shut it.

For some reason, I’ve always been resistant to things like writing down goals because it feels so motivational speaker affirm-y to me, like I’m some 80’s go-getter in a power suit trying to scramble my way up the corporate ladder, or a New-Age-y lady in flowing pants determined to find my myself via the spirit of a monkey.

But I am open minded enough to see how writing down goals might be a very sensible thing to do, as it makes what you want more concrete in your mind and gives you some direction and all that. I just don’t get it when it comes to weight loss goals. And I don’t understand how it’s any different than say, your everyday to-do list.

Do you want to know what I never hear when I talk to fat person, a skinny person, a man or woman?

When I started exercising, back when I gained 20 pounds boozing my ass off, my list would have said this: Lose 20 pounds

When I lost the 20 pounds, I would make a new list and it would say: Lose 5 pounds

When I talk to someone that’s super thin about their exercise goals, I get this answer:
Lose weight

Like them, I didn’t give a sh*t about healthier or stronger. Those words were never in my vocabulary. I just wanted to wear my skinny-pants again. I wanted to lose weight.

So here we are, 7 years later. I got so much more out of exercise that “just weight loss”. The jiggles disappeared, I could run much faster, I was three times stronger, my muscles were defined, and I gained the baseline fitness level and confidence to try anything physical.

Listen, I love Julian, she is amazing at what she does. However, there is now a responsibility to our fatter-than-ever society: it’s not just about being thin, the other factors are way more important. Weight-loss should be a side product of exercise, not quite a goal.

From this day on, instead of starving yourself thin or getting your colon washed out with that crap they stick up there, try getting on the treadmill for half-hour. If you don’t feel better, email me and we can talk through it.

“The balance of sweet, sour, salty and hot is what is often praised about
Thai cooking, which focuses on bold flavors in blissful harmony.”
— Frank Bruni, New York Times

a lot of goodness in one small box | photography by just eat smart

couscous looks a lot more bland that it taste:

seems bland, until you add the shrimp | photography by just eat smart

the result: mouth watering curry shrimp

***The Ingredients***

Curry Coconut Shrimp Ingredients:

1 teaspoon canola oil
1/2 cup minced onion
1/2 cup minced red bell pepper
1 clove garlic, minced
1 teaspoon ground cumin
3/4 teaspoon ground coriander
1/2 teaspoon curry powder
1/2 cup light coconut milk
1 teaspoon sugar
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
1 pound jumbo shrimp, peeled and deveined
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1 tablespoon water
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro

Directions:

Heat oil in large, nonstick saucepan over medium heat. Saute onion, red pepper,
and garlic until vegetables begin to soften, about 3 minutes.

Season with cumin, coriander, and curry powder. Cook for 1 more minute. Stir in
coconut milk, sugar, and crushed red pepper flakes. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat,
and simmer, uncovered for 2 minutes.

Stir in shrimp, and increase heat to medium-high. Cook and stir until shrimp is
cooked through, about 4 minutes.

In a small bowl, combine cornstarch with 1 tablespoon water. Stir into shrimp
mixture, and cook until sauce has thickened, about 1 minute. Stir in cilantro, and
remove from heat.

*couscous comes from the box, directions on the side*

Fattening? Yes, absolutely. But I prefer to use the word “hearty”.

These authentic old-fashioned Highlanders, popular since the days of Queen Victoria, come packed two to a pack. Handrolled in demerara sugar, Shortbread Highlanders give you a crunchy, full butter treat.

You can eat a couple without opening a whole box, and that is simply Just Eating Smart.

What have the cupcake makers done to the little and cute, adorable versions of a big cake?

Remember cupcakes? Those pretty little mini cakes wrapped in ruffled covering, looking so cute and tasting just so good that you couldn’t resist having another?

Crumbs Bake Shop has made it easy to resist the second serving, since 1 cupcake is now actually made up of what  3 normal cupcakes used to be.

If one recalls cupcake or cookie decorating parties as a child, the process was always the same: load on as much frosting and candy as possible on the normal sized cupcake. The appeal of that heaping mess has diminished, but Crumbs manages to capture that same over-the-top presentation that was once so exhilarating, piling on butter-cream frosting, sprinkles, cookies onto a large, obese, unnatural proportioned cupcake.

At 780 calories, 36 grams of fat and 48 grams of carbs, expect to jog six miles to break even.

Hydroxytyrosol – Part 3 of 10

Hydroxytyrosol is a polyphenol found primarily in olive oil, and also in red and white wine. Animal studies have shown that hydroxytyrosol improves blood lipids, prevents the growth of atherosclerotic plaque and reduces damage to tissue caused by cigarette smoke. A multicenter clinical trial investigating the effects of olive oil on blood lipids found that consumption of extra-virgin olive oil was linked to higher levels of HDL cholesterol and lower levels of LDL cholesterol. Hydroxytyrosol may also protect against breast cancer. Although it is difficult to quantify the amounts of hydroxytyrosol in different types of olive oil, the virgin and extra-virgin varieties generally contain much higher levels than refined oils.

This is a hard thing to write about for three reasons:

1) We are veering way too far out of fitness land, and
2) I don’t like that type of web traffic that this topic brings me
3) Google bots don’t like the word vagina

But it will not stop me from writing about it, if only I could just stop laughing first.

Many people have their own way of describing that female part — but me, personally? I like Chelsea Handler’s description best: Kaslopis. Let’s make something clear, I have no idea if that’s someone’s name, the name of their company or their pet. I just think it sounds funny as hell. And who doesn’t like a funny kaslopis?

Well, imagine my shock when I came across this sacred kaslopis purse. All I could think about is sticking my hand into a coochie-like-purse-thing every time I needed my chapstick, even if it is: “More than a sumptuous Renaissance bag, the Velvet V represents in three-dimensional form the sacred portal to the feminine temple” and when “Each has sumptuous fabric labia and a beautiful button clitoris.” And you cannot use the word “sumptuous” twice in one passage, even when referring to a velvety scary red kaslopis bag.

Oh, and beware of purse snatchers. Booyah!