Memories: 2009

It’s that time of year…again.

Well, almost, anyway—It’s going to be 2010 in just a couple of days. It’s time to review everything we’ve done over the last 31,536,001 seconds. We look at the past year in photographs, we smile, we get sentimental about the wonderful moments. For some of us, we pretend the embarrassing moments didn’t happen and remind ourselves how we’ll never do that again.

Now, we’ve moved on to new resolutions, because isn’t that what the new year is all about? The big deadline for all things dare-like? Losing the last few pounds, start the health kick, learning to abstain from sugar and sex with strangers, promising to be nicer people. I mean, the list of promises can go on forever.

Right before thanksgiving I made a goal: avoid all things sugar and flour based. I was pretty good, passing on cupcakes and resisting cookies. I turned down leftovers and begged mom not to give me candy. I refrained from that which I love so dearly. I lost no weight, and I got very crabby.

A resolution is like a marathon—26 miles is as far as a year is long. Everyone knows about the old marathon wall: Somewhere between miles 15 and 20, people crash and burn and many drop out. Some collapse on the side of the road, but those who have heart and commitment give it a final push, scrape up strength they didn’t know they had, and get over the finish line. That finish line moment is magic, it’s victory over fear and pain and all the ‘I cant’ your body and mind throw at you. It requires mental and emotional toughness and that my friends, is what separates out the champions.

Oh me? I’m nursing a sugar hangover on the side of the road at mile 18. Or it could just be that pound of flour weighing me down. For at Christmas, there was cake. And I allowed myself to indulge in cake and cookies. I could have said no, I could have made it through the holidays without the extra gallon of eggnog, I could’ve turned down the extra serving of pie, but when push came to shove, I said, “Ow, don’t push me, it hurts. I just want cake. Cake will make it better.”  Why the hell am I telling you all this?

Well, maybe something good can come out of this somehow, something more insightful and helpful than me going “waa waa waa.” Maybe we can just admit that at times, for every moment we are strong, that we are also weak. It’s amazing to achieve a goal, but it’s ok if we fail. And there is no point in wishing that you could go back and do it differently—that’s crap, because you can’t, and there’s no sense in wishing for that. The only thing we can do is be kind, exercise compassion, quit whining and start over.

After all, the only sure thing we have in life is just the present moment, everything else is gone, anything else may never come.

My only goal for 2010 is to live in the present, what’s yours?